Supporting Social Play: Helping Children Learn Social Skills from Play

by Diane Goyette View Bio

Diane Goyette
Owner, Early Childhood Specialties LLC

Diane Goyette is a trainer, consultant and speaker. As owner of Early Childhood Specialties, she educates the adults who care for and work with young children.  She is a frequent presenter at local, state, national and international conferences and has recently has begun delivering keynote addresses.   Diane holds a master’s degree in Child Development and has over has over 30 years of experience in early childhood education.  She has been a teacher of young children in many settings, including public school kindergarten, university lab schools, faith-based preschools and child care programs.  She has served as an adjunct professor in universities as well.

Diane has always believed that play is absolutely the best means by which young children develop in all areas and learn about themselves, others and the world. She encourages adults to value play, to provide ample time for free choice play, and to guide young children’s early play experiences with other children.   She has more recently learned to appreciate the value of play throughout the lifespan and now advocates for more play for adults in the workplace as well as for children at school.

During most of her career, Diane has been raising a child with challenges that include autism, ADHD and sensory processing issues.  This experience has heightened her awareness of and empathy for challenges other parents and teachers may be facing and has drawn her to help them.  She is passionate about sharing what she has learned through her decades-long parenting journey, her experience in early childhood education, and her own professional development:  the important role of relationships in children’s lives, how to foster all children’s social and emotional development – and, of course, how to help children learn and develop through play!

You may contact Diane at diane@goyette.info or visit her website at www.EarlyChildhoodSpecialties.com to learn more.

Social play happens when children are playing with adults or with other kids.  In early childhood, play gradually gets more social and more complex.  By about age four, children begin to engage in sociodramatic play, cooperating to take on roles and creating their own rules. 

“Let’s pretend we’re at the grocery store.  I’ll be the shopper and you be at the checkout.”

This is an especially valuable type of play. Besides having fun (which has value in itself!), children learn social skills that include: communication, cooperation, problem-solving, and perspective taking. Research shows that social skills help children succeed in school and in life, too.

We can support children’s social skill development by playing with our kids and modeling the positive social behaviors we want them to use. Learning the skills that children practice in social play also takes lots of sensitive adult support.  Here’s why:

• Young children often do not know what is expected in different social situations;
• They lack experience and knowledge of appropriate ways to solve conflicts;
• They are naturally egocentric, so it is hard for them to understand others’ intentions and feelings.

We can also teach them social skills using a technique called “scaffolding” – giving just enough help at first, then letting them do more and more on their own.

Here’s how to scaffold children’s development of social skills:

Communication
Different methods of communication will benefit different play situations.

• Teach children appropriate ways of getting people’s attention: “When you want Nikko’s attention, say ‘Nikko,’ gently tap his shoulder, then wait for him to look at you.”
• Help children tell each other directly what they want or need: “Tell Sharon, ‘I want to pretend the that the baby is sick and needs to go to the doctor.’”
• Show them how to join a play group – asking to play is not always the best strategy!  Socially competent children often watch the children playing then find a way to ease into the ongoing play. “Look! They are building a road with the blocks. Would you like to put some of these signs next to the roads?”

Cooperation
Explain what cooperation looks like in different play situations:

• Sharing: “Hold the book so Tim can see the pages.” “Roll the ball to Rachel, then she can roll it to you.”
• Taking turns:  Help kids negotiate who goes first and the time for each turn.
• Compromising:  Give children ideas about how each can get a little of what they want.

Problem-Solving
When children play together, conflicts are inevitable.  Help kids learn to solve problems collaboratively by teaching them steps to negotiate:

1. State the problem – everyone gets a say.
2. Brainstorm on solutions – again, everyone contributes.
3. Choose the solution that everyone agrees on.
4. Implement the solution – decide on the logistics (length of turns, who goes first, etc.)
5. Evaluate the solution – how is it working?

Perspective-Taking
We can help children understand the perspective of others by pointing out:

• How others feel: “Her face is saying ‘I’m sad.’”
• How your child’s behavior affects others: “When you insist on having your way, friends may not want to play with you.”
• How other children might see things differently: “John may not like to be pulled that fast in the wagon.”

With your support and many opportunities for social play, your children will develop the social skills they need to get along with others throughout their lives.  And they will have had lots of fun, too!

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